“We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one.”Confucius
What did he mean by that?
When I started working out, I told myself for a long time that it was because it was something I enjoyed and because it was just a lifestyle I wanted to pursue.
But I tell you now, that when I first started, that was far from the truth.
I hated it, and I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing, which made me hate it even more. I’d see guys lifting heavier weights than me, and I’d feel embarrassed or inadequate. I just hid it really well.
So why did I do it?
Well, I also hated my size. Already being short, I was also very skinny growing up, always the smallest kid in the classroom, which made me an easy target on top of already being a relatively flamboyant gay kid.
So it became this neverending vicious cycle of self hate and depression, that I told myself I could solve if only I could become bigger than them, stronger than them. And so it went on.
I eventually got bigger, and got stronger, and I felt great… until I’d get thrown into a social atmosphere, where once again, the guys were bigger, more cut, more confident, and the depression would come rolling right back around.
I’d go home, look in the mirror at myself, and I’d feel like I looked SO good when it was just me. So why did I always go back into that depressive state when around other people? I couldn’t understand, and it would anger me even more.
I was working out for other people, not for myself.
When you do something to satisfy other people, it feels like a chore, a job… but when you do it for yourself, it becomes fun, becomes passion.
I learned that no matter what situation we are presented with in life, the only single factor we ever have any control over, is our emotions in reaction to external forces.
It wasn’t the traffic that made me mad, the traffic doesn’t care about my emotions. It was me that allowed myself to get upset about the traffic I couldn’t control.
It’s not the family member who pissed me off, it’s me who allowed myself to get upset over something so inconsequential in the grand scheme of my life.
And it wasn’t the people who were bigger or stronger or more muscular than me who made me depressed, it was me telling myself I wasn’t good enough because I was comparing myself to them.
But one of my biggest lessons learned, is that literally everything in life is about perspective. I learned to not compare myself to them, to compare myself to me… from yesterday… Am I better today than I was yesterday? This was where satisfaction and happiness emerged. I stopped thinking about where I’d be a year from now, and simply started looking at today, and not externally, but internally.
I learned that it is not the external factors that dictate our life, it is our internal discussions we have with ourselves, and how we decide to allow ourselves to feel based on external influence, daily.
Having this realization, I decided I was no longer going to workout for other people, because working out for other people always ended with me being depressed. I made the conscious decision to start working out for myself, and that was when not only I saw drastic improvements in my health, physical fitness, and overall well-being, but so did other people.
I started receiving compliments from people everywhere, kind of out of nowhere. It was when I stopped trying to achieve the thing I so desperately had been fighting for for so long, that I actually started to get it.
Then, I applied the same philosophy to my business. I kept telling myself, “I want to help people. But if I want to help people, I need to have a lot of money.” and I’d try everything, and it would never work out the way I wanted to. It happened over and over again.
But one day, I had that thought that crossed my head. I was presented with a situation where I could help somebody, and at first I simply told them I hope their luck turned around. But as I walked outside, it came to me like a rock to the head, I stopped and said to myself “You can help her now. You don’t need to wait.”
I turned around, and did.
Later that night, I booked a client for more than 4 times what I had given to the person earlier that day. When I stopped trying to make money the goal, and just started trying to help people like I had wanted to do all along, the money began to flow in.
This has only been one example of many.
Once you can truly realize that we only have one life, and that the reason you are not where you want to be is because of a non-existent fear, worry, doubt, or random thought that hasn’t actually even happened yet, and quite possibly never will, you can truly begin to live and get to where you want to go.
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